Don't you start, my wife is always saying what a plonker I look in my vintage Raybans.

Not exactly 'Top Gun' I know, but my excuse is they are prescriptions, and are big enough lenses so I can actually see through them when I am flat on the tank - which does seem to help a bit in working out when I should brake.

I highly recommend them for the sporting visually impaired. I also think they are really cool, and have the matching cowboy hat, which I wore at Croft early this year. However, instead of standing out as a picture of sartorial elegance, I disappeared into a crowd of ponytails and dodgy tatoos. In fact I looked vaguely 'normal', which is an achievement in itself .

I don't know if anyone else has tried racing in 'varifocals'. It is rather interesting as even straight lines look curved. 'Honest John' in the Telegraph thinks people should be banned from driving in varifocals after he watched someone driving into his car in Sainsburys wearing them. I can't park in them to save my life, but then I never could.

Back to polishing the kit for next year.... 'Shiny is good' - my new mantra after years of riding rat bikes. I intend to campaign to have the gloss level measured on all bikes (and riders) at meetings in the future and issue trophies on that basis, which is about the only way I am likely to win another one.